WHOOPDEEDOO I REALLY ENJOYED CHOIR CONCERT TODAY IT WAS THE BEST EVER :D and whoever didn't come, you really missed out on a good show. i'm not trying to rub it in, but i really really enjoyed myself on that stage today, two shows, and i loved it both. Our combined repertoire was really good methinks, even though it's rather short compared to our usual concert; here's how it was :

1. Aitakute
2. Butterfly
3. Ant's Summer
4. Ave Maria (well, one can never forget this song x3)
5. Fly me to the Moon
6. I Got Rhythm (it sounds super awesome esp when all of us are really really energised :D)
7. Schlof Main Kind (all the images floating through my mind throughout this song were in black and white; i really loved the parts where we swell and emo our way through--love love this song.)
8. Yo Le Canto To do el dia (everytime i sing this i think that we should all wear huge flowy colourful spanish dance kind of skirts or we should get someone to dance the flamenco!)
9. 小白船 & Siyahamba
10. Les Miserables Medley x3 (i love the way all the emotions come together in this song, all the different ways you can emo and just how we sound in every song; mm, i can't really explain this but everytime i sing this song i just want to emote my way through this song it's so impactful and v v v touching.)

Frankly, i think that as long as we put all our heart & soul into every song that we do, it sounds really good on our end and i think this is the first time i've ever felt so satisfied. We may not be perfect pitched, but i think what really really makes it awesome is the way all our hardcore pracs for the past few weeks really paid off; and once you hear every voice so filled with emotions, i know we've done it :D i can't really describe what went through my mind today, but all i know is that i've realised again just how much we all love singing, just how much rgschoir is filled with the most awesome bunch of people. i love you all, and Songs from my music box will stay remembered for a long time to come.

I'm going to miss the sec4s though ):

Labels: choir

i really have no time for anything else right now, except all the things i've committed myself to. And i'll try not to complain really, because i know that there's so many things i can be thankful for, and i should. Having choir everyday from morning to night lately, and as much as it's v v v tiring i'm quite happy that concert's coming up (: I really hope we don't screw up and that we'll have a blast performing for all you lucky people. hehe, just realised that some of the busking songs are stuck in my head now that's a good sign; certain things i'm scared of is really just the fact that i won't be able to give my best just because i'm afraid of screwing up, of being put down by people. There are times really, when people need to know when to stop telling you what you did wrong, but praise you for what you did right. It's cheesy, but it would make a lot more people smile; rather than to feel bad about yourself. I guess it all comes down to how you take criticisms, but at the same time no one likes to be told how much you're not doing things right all the time, that sucks. You end up feeling like you're not good enough for anything, and you don't give as much as you should because you don't want to hear that voice who says to you that you're doing it all wrong. I feel that way sometimes and i really don't like it, because i need to stop caring so much about how the rest of the world thinks of me-at the end of the day, that's not what really matters D:

Conclusion of the day: humans are selfish, stubborn creatures.

Not that difficult to reach such a conclusion, but it rings so true it's scary. When we complain about things, sometimes all we want is for another person to make things feel better, and say it like they mean it. It really doesn't help when you complain about things, only to be told that "well yes, maybe you suck." Truths are one thing, but being there for the people you love is another; sometimes, you've just got to find that balance which no one seems to be able to.

anws, Concert in 4 days! yes rgschoir, we can do this <3

Labels: choir, rants

my new love is tumblr as of the moment, so do forgive me if the blogger becomes rather stagnant for now. I can't help it cos tumblr has a cooler dashboard + prettier layouts and i can reblog people's stuff and get to see lots of pretty pictures and quotes that make my day :D but in case anyone was wondering, i'll try to keep blogger alive too but for now, i think i'm really screwed because i have a million and one things to complete and tons of deadlines to meet which is really scary because i don't have that much time left. On a random note, i think singing is making everyone schizophrenic because it's the one thing that's keeping me sane, yet is driving me insane too. Go figure.

I would really like to conclude that today has been a very happy day, but nah i don't want to lie to myself or anyone else. I'm not emo sad, or pissed off; it's a really weird feeling that i can't exactly put a finger to actually. Went early for church to prac for publicity dance we did 'Nobody' by wonder girls; super embarrassing thing i've ever done kk! and it was in front of main service so i think when i was up there i really couldn't care less anymore. But camp comm has honestly been a really fun bunch and the choreo prac in the morning was super funny ;D and aaron tang, our rapper was so sporting + hanjie, the wonder boy (who was the only guy doing the dance, btw) ! I don't think we have pictures of it but i wouldn't mind seeing a video of it. I hope more people sign up for camp soon cos it's going to a blast, that i promise. PFFFFFT which is why i'm super duper annoyed that my parents still don't let me go for youth camp despite the fact that:

#1, i haven't been to a single youth camp ever since i joined bpmc (prolly the reason why i feel like i still don't know a lot of people D:)
#2 Since i'm in camp comm, i would of course feel some emotional attachment to camp comm + camp itself (cheesy, but i bet you everyone will attest to that.) so i really really want to go and i know that i'll end up wallowing in sadness or self pity or whatever rubbish emotions you can associate with this. And i won't be able to enjoy this holiday and i will have a lot of regrets.

There you have it, and i don't even know why i bother to put it here since the people who really are THE DECISION MAKERS won't even read this but heck omg why can't they just understand. Sometimes i really feel as though i'm talking to a wall (not the most appropriate analogy, since a wall doesn't go against me) ; or idk, one of those things that just never agrees with you. Was telling rachel about it and we both agree that parents just love to guilt-trip you, all the time, and i really dislike the feeling. Even if i go for it, then i'll feel like they are so upset with me that i end up feeling so bad ): meh i really really really have to just trust this to God, but being impatient, i don't know what to expect, and i'm so scared that what happens in the end is not what i want to happen.

I think i started feeling all frazzled and unsettled when i was collecting registration forms 'cause i was alone (it's no one's fault, really :D) then from then on i just felt v stony and somewhat irritable. Left camp comm meeting today feeling not as contented/happy as i usually do, but i guess it's just one of those days where that little ominous black cloud is following you around. Sometimes, i really wish i could be like Anna (from Anna & Mister God) -- that worry free, that childhood innocence without worries.

Labels: camp comm'09, rants

I am finally tumblr-ing ;D hahaha i swear it has the prettiest layout ever and it makes me feel really happy. Of course i'm not going to give up blogger because it's such a big hassle trying to move all the links and then telling the whole world my new url and things like that; so i'll try to maintain both. And since my tumblr will be my little photo haven, i'd like that. hehe. Go visit @www.morningwalkswithyou.tumblr.com!

I really really enjoyed today's choir prac; especially towards the end when we did les mis omg it was so so good :D 'I dreamed a dream' is a really beautiful song and i think today , at long last, we put all our emotions into it; i was touched. And i am beginning to enjoy choir again, thank God for that. I love the way we sound so beautiful when we put our hearts into it, and if only we always do this.

I don't know if i mentioned this or not, indirectly or directly, there was just this period of time where i really didn't look forward to going for choir. can't rmb when it started exactly, but it's probably the whole period of time after comm results. I know people NEVER FAIL to tell you that it doesn't matter, how at the end of it all it's just a position, it's nothing. But the fact that it's so coveted says alot doesn't it? You can claim and say that it's the singing that matters, that what truly matters is that choir is bonded; yes i agree, but nothing ever changes the fact that everyone does want to be a part of it. I rmb being angry, bitter, upset and disgruntled even, but i thought through it and maybe, it's just not part of His plans for me. I guess i've gotten over it, somewhat.
Thing is, it's very easy to see how much the world affects the way you see yourself, and as much as this is repeated too many times, it is true. The world says that who you are is defined by the positions you hold, the results you get and practically everything else that = materialistic + outwardly; at times you get so consumed by what the world tells you that you forget that all that doesn't matter, because they don't last, they never do. Who you are, is really who you are, as much as even i forget that sometimes, one of the best advice i've ever heard "you've got to learn to love yourself more."

Was just talking on the way home, and Cheryl and i thought that it would be pretty cool to know how the world would be if we never existed; a bit like The Greatest Gift, i know. I wouldn't mind y'know, given the chance. Sometimes i really get to wondering, do i really make any difference whether or not i exist? Would things be very different if i don't? I'm not being emo or anything, but it's something really worth thinking about and i do want to know the outcome. Ever felt under appreciated, or felt like no one notices what you've done? i do sometimes, and it sounds kinda selfish but times like that, i wish i could just take a step back into another world, and see how the world is without me.

--

'I'm not really all that tired,' he replied, 'more...well, more thoughtful.'

'What about?' I asked.

He gave a long, long sigh. 'Did I ask so many questions when I was that age? I can no longer remember that far back.' He paused for a moment. 'Where does the magic go to, I wonder? Where? Where?'

;and i wonder too.

Labels: choir, rants

urgh my body is feeling all ache-y now; the muscle ache kind and it's not even because i did sports. Had three jabs today for osl and my arms ache ): but imho the jabs weren't too bad it was quite funny to see all of us so squirmish in the raffles room just now. And and when the mentors were taking their jabs, the whole team just gathered right in front of them to see their reaction. It sounds so sadistic but it was quite amusing! hahaha. Anyway my sore throat is not getting better + now i have blocked nose and is at a risk of running a slight fever. meh i guess i'll just try to get enough rest tonight, finish watching house then off i go. Choir was quite okay today, 'cept for the fact that my annoying sore throat + blocked nose obviously prevented me from singing properly and it was so gross when my voice broke PFFFFT. this had better go away soon cos i really want to go sing properly & happily :D

anyway, i saw this super pretty headphones audiotechnica ATH-ON3; ahhh the pink / white is so pretty! anyone want to get them for me? (awww i just saw similar headphones with stars on it ; vvv pretty.)

hmm, my life seems to have been taken over by choir, osl, cmps & church camp stuff; well choir mostly but i guess i don't really mind. It's been really tiring and my sore throat doesn't make things any easier. throat feels like crap, dry and i can barely sing D: D: D: this sucks i really hope that it goes away soon because i want to be able to prac properly. les mis have really beautiful pieces and i know that as long as we stop being so lethargic and really put in our emotions, it'll be one hell of a performance; on a sidenote, i need to memorise lyrics and prac choreo and learn my busking stuff ! yikes.

anyway, do come for choir concert! here are the details:

SONGS FROM MY MUSIC BOX (i really love the title btw.)
date & time: 7th nov, 3pm & 6pm
venue: RGS, KS Chee Theatre
Tickets @ $10 each

do come for it and be entertained with an hour of really cool pieces, and a very emotional medley ;D tell me if you want tickets yep.

Finally finished 2 whole days of paper checking and it has been really disappointing; i know i haven't studied that much this year but i really don't know how to describe it other than "unsatisfactory". They always tell you not to focus on your results, but really, that's so hypocritical because that's the one thing they always look at. Out of the nine subjects, i'm only happy with bio, ss and english ;D meh i don't feel like lingering around anymore.

Labels: choir, EYA results

we finally had our flatties outing, after idk how long okay! ;D 'cept that zhitian couldn't go cause she had something on. i still can't believe the day ended so fast cos we prolly spent all the time crapping about who knows what and laughing and laughing non stop. i swear the customers at manhattan fish market just now wanted to throw us out for making so much noise; knowing us, it'll be quite surprising if we actually spend 5 minutes in silence. So there we were sitting at this high table place, talking about our future flat arrangements, then all of a sudden we just burst out laughing. i love them all <3

oh oh and imagine that turns out to be quite a decent movie, not the typical movie we'll watch, but it was pretty heartwarming. storyline's cliched but i like eddie murphy's comical timing (or is that comic timing; aiya nvm) and that other whitefeather guy who practically speaks in nature terms so jolynn, emily and i kept going "HUH WHAT IN THE WORLD IS HE SAYING" emily kept laughing throughout the entire movie she is the best okay, not funny she also laugh :D and i think today is some PUN-ny day; here goes

me: eh i want to go buy subway cookies!
jolynn: then we *butter (supposed to be better) go now right.
carey: huh butter? is that a pun, like butter cookies!

jolynn: *points to island creamery* this is such a cool hang out place.
me: It's a pun right! like they sell ice cream so they're cool.

on the bus ride to island there was this caucasian guy who very nearly looked as though he was going to sit beside emily; the look of hope and longing on her face was EPIC ZOMG! but when he didn't sit beside her you totally could see her face change! hahahahaha :D then when the guy was going down,

jolynn: eh emily 你的希望要走了!
emily: huh...
me: eh he's alighting at the same stop as us; emily go and chase your 希望
jolynn: yeah emily 快点追希望!
emily: his english name is hope.
jolynn: like hope, faith..
me: isn't that a girl's name.

all the funny moments aside, i really miss the sec 2 days, seems like we have less stress then. i guess with every year there's more and more stress, but this year has been quite trying sometimes that you forget how it felt like to not be rushing to meet deadlines, how to just relax and spend time doing nothing at all. i miss those random times with the flatties; hdb tour, the integrated science thing, preparing for acp, drama night and that funny conversation we had with mr mizar was classic. i can't believe he still remembers it till now; methinks he's the best ft we've ever had :D reminiscing at island really brought back the good old days; we need to have another outing soon, with full attendance. if not zhitian cannot defend herself if we give her crappy things to do for our AHEM, future live-in plans.

anyway, certain things got me thinking today, and i really hate the feeling that overcame me. the whole i really wish some things will happen even though i know things are never going to turn out right. I want to let go, i want to make things a lot easier to me, but life just doesn't have things planned out that way for you. It turns your upside down, it makes you go through some screwed up roller coaster ride before it lets you go free. i hate conflicting feelings, cos although i know i have to let go, i hate to lose touch with it completely, and i don't want to let go, not entirely. atm i think 不死心 & you belong with me fits how i'm feeling completely ):

i know my thought are kinda jumbled, but i really don't know what to expect tmr. Getting all the languages + humanities paper back i'm quite worried that i screwed it up; when it was over i refused to let myself think too much over it, but nothing's confirmed, really. it's a summation of the whole year, and as much as it's not the only thing that matters, it's the one thing that'll make or break to a certain extent. I do want to meet my expectations and my parents' as well; and it's tough. I'll just trust that He will see me through it, and today i've really seen how He works in my life to make things right (:

i prolly shouldn't worry too much.

Labels: flatties

I doubt this will be the last time i'm saying this, but i really really really hate conflicting schedules; or simply just things i really want to go for, but can't. Sometimes i don't even dare to ask my parents about it anymore, because i'm really afraid that the person will be a no. I've been praying and i've been asking God, but i don't know if i have enough faith, which makes everything so much more difficult than it already is. I haven't even gone to one youth camp since goodness knows when, and i still can't. I mean seriously, it's just once; at least. I've been missing it ever since i started going to church ): this really sucks, big time. I need to just really really trust this in God's hands i guess, but some little part of me is telling me that it's not enough, and i need to get this doubts out of the way if i really want Him to work in my life. sigh.

Anyway, on a slightly happier note, hanging out with the usual people from church was quite amusing :D played the card monopoly thingum after lunch and i swear everyone is just super childish. hurhur i don't even know how to describe it without sounding cheesy so i shall stop here. Can't really rmb any funny quips but yeah. BLAH k i shall go away now. i hate being incoherent.

tagreplies!
julia hehe fine lor. but it's such a wrong word to use then! tsktsk.
abi HELLOOO ABI! ;D life's a lot less stressful but i still feel like i have tons of things to do, which kinda sucks. and i feel so weird now that studying's no longer an option, so weird.
yufei I KNOWW! i feel like changing but i don't really want to leave blogger. hm.
eelin SAME SAME! it feels quite good, i like. K we must find time to go out soon yeah! <3
persa aww, love you too dear <3 will tell you what happened soon, it's not that big a deal.

well you know i really wouldn't mind helping out if i don't get screamed at when it's not my fault. I know it's frustrating to see that there's no progress, and it doesn't defy logic that i should help. But you know what, i've had enough of being blamed for everything. If things don't go right, it's not my fault. If i don't do things according to what you want them to be done, it's my fault. Well great, i NEVER EVER MEET UP TO YOUR EXPECTATIONS. YOU ARE NEVER HAPPY WITH WHAT I DO SO WHAT NOW? sometimes, i get the feeling that i'd be much happier if i just busy myself with everything that i have, if i just stay away for a week or two. At least i won't get pissed off, at least i won't be told that everything is because i don't try hard enough. Maybe i've become apathetic, and maybe to some extent i don't care enough. But it's not always me, and i do get annoyed when here i am trying to make my point across, and he just doesn't respond, he doesn't do things properly. I'm tired, and i don't care anymore. If every single time you don't even bother to listen, heck it's not even the listening part that i even care about anymore. Just don't cross that line alright, stop cornering me and expecting me to live up to whatever ideals you have because i don't think i can. Because you've been cornering me for so long that at the end of the day, i just wish i can run away. Far far away, to a place where things actually go my way a little more than usual. I hate to feel this way, but it's not like i asked for it. I know i don't care as much, but sometimes there are things i fail to get across but you don't realise it. AND THERE IT GOES AGAIN, playing itself on repeat like a broken tape recorder.

Let me walk away from this, please.

so, i really am considering tumblr, but i feel so lazy to update now so i'm afraid that my tumblr will lay to waste. but it's really really pretty, and and yeah. hmmm :| having cmps sleepover tmr i think it'll be fun and it's so nice to rediscover my love for books + an awesome site that is called goodreads.com OH OH and i wanted to changed my blog url and i thought that 'ingenue' was a cool sounding word but i don't like the meaning so my url is still old and boring. PFFFT >/

EYAS ARE OVER & LIBERATION IS MY NEW FRIEND :D k i just felt like saying that, and on top of that, i really am quite dazed now, hence the lack of stringed words. on the whole the papers were prolly okay, although physics is truly the bane of my existence since no matter how much i try (well i don't try that much actually), i don't quite get the hang of it. pfssssh. i'm not really worried about results at the moment so i shall just ignore them for the moment. all i know is that i don't have to study anymore ;D hehe. meanwhile, i have lots of nice new books to be read and bought on my list.

idk why but the coming weeks seem as though they're filled to the brim with activities so i'm really quite freaked out because i don't exactly want to do so much work, but i'm hoping that everything will be manageable at the end and i am looking forward to the week long break + deepavali holiday (FLATTIES OUTING!) whoopdeedoo. anws, i love 王子复仇记! (hee don't ask me who sings it you should know who; plus plus omg i love his 80 page photobook with the album <3)

just realised how much i love talking to people about nothing in particular and yeah, that was basically how my day was spent, with jolynn & sophia. eeee i feel incoherent.

ANYWAY , GET WELL SOON JODY HONG :D

Labels: flatties, rants

well yeah, i said i'll be away but since studying has been ultimately super draining for me today, i shall take a short little break. I'm really looking forward to the end of EYAs, then i'll be free from all the study stuff for 2 months or so, before sec 4 year starts; about that, i'll think about it another time. meanwhile, 2 papers down and i feel a teeny bit liberated! :D cheap thrill, since there's at least 7 more papers to go, but now i don't have to worry about english, as long as i didn't screw up this one. I have quite a good feeling about today's paper actually, it's not VERY easy, but i guess manageable on the whole; just hope that i don't end up feeling disappointed. and you know what, after worrying about how chinese compo's will be a 措施类 , it's actually 现象! super cool, so the first thing i did when i saw it was to just skim through the other questions and immediately start on it. BUT BUT my 错别字 confirm 扣 4 marks alr. PFFFFT :/ so much for trying to not 扣分 for 错别字.

jody was being damn retarded after exams (yeah, she always is but still -.-) she was like

jody: so you think you meeting blossom very cool ah? I'm going to meet bubbles & buttercup & their dad.
julia: you're mojojojo!
me: but i already told blossom i'm meeting her!
jody: yah i'm going to meet the rest of the ppgs then kill them all.
julia: but the day will be saved, thanks to the ppgs! with the heart shaped thingum.
me: ._.

me: so am i supposed to tell my friend that i'm going to go for lunch with her arch enemy first?
jody: you can tell her that her arch enemy has put her friend on a leash for now while she buys food then you can go after.

epic friends & conversations i have everyday, gotta love them all <3

went to meet eelin & blos after that, wasn't the most productive sessions cos blos & i spent quite some time playing on eelin's itouch! distractors :| oh and i swear when we go out with eelin, there'll always be those moments where we just watch her laugh and laugh non stop because she's thinking of something.

oh oh and best exclamation of the day by JULIA LIM.

zien: *talks really loudly + exclamations*
julia: zien, can you not have so many ejaculations?
joey: you do know that sounds wrong?
me: JULIA..... ._.

mm, i guess when exams are more regular i won't find time to while away, so tadah.